I passed behind you without you even noticing
thinking wholeheartedly that 'symbolic' was an understatement
I walked entranced by some buzz on unnatural, synthetic god-knows-what
away from drunken smoke and bathroom sex and Venetian wannabe's and vaguely rhythmic noise
I walked out alone and found a smile between blinks
because I thought of the light on wilshire
rather, beaming off
as if it almost desperately wanted to attract some sort of tritely methodical attention
I was alone then--
every time--
even if you were there,
even if six billion people would be there,
I'd be alone. I'm perfectly fine with that. It's you
I have to settle something with.
I will not stop you from compromising your already-dwindling source of innate reason with cheap bargaining to get what you temporarily crave
but I refuse to pretend that my eyes are blind to what you do
and that my senses go dull, feeling turns to numbness, purpose digresses to pawn, and that whole little world you built up around yourself when you were little and innocent and helplessly oblivious somehow resurrects itself
and I am not exposed to your vines of dissipation
multitudinous in meanings
to hell with pretending I'm completely innocent again and that wall is still there
I won't pretend for you




6 June 2005